& Scouting Report (to be read with English accent)
Height: Tall enough to order another round at the corner Pub.
Weight: 78Kg (170lbs for all you Americans)
Born: On the other side of the Pond
Kevin “Lawnmower Man” Kotenko
Quotable Quote:"I'm very disappointed in the young
American golfer nowadays...We had to travel 14 hours on a plane with 5
children and no disposable diapers. Now they're playing for $2 million
and they say, "Oh, I'm having lunch with my granny," or
something." Gary Player, criticizing some golfers for
refusing to travel to events outside the United States.
All drives will sail straight and true to the middle of the fairway,
turning 90 degrees to avoid a trap or hazard if need be.
All balls within 42” of the cup will be properly struck with the
correct force which will propel them into the bottom of said cup as
only a proper English gentleman can do. Of course, there are never any
balls placed on the green outside of 42”.
I have no bloody enemies. Well, alright, I have one. That Mel Gibson
chap didn’t need to force us to relive past attritions in his latest
movie “The Patriot”. You fellows should just be happy we
‘gave’ you this small plot of land, you heathens.
After using the past year to adjust to the American lifestyle (driving
on the right side, fast women, etc.) and having whipped my American
teammates into decent shape, winning the cup is but a formality.
SOURCE: Yoot Shoot