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Profile
& Scouting Report (to be read with English accent)
Profile
Height: Tall enough to order another round at the corner Pub.
Weight: 78Kg (170lbs for all you Americans)
Born: On the other side of the Pond
Scouting
Report
Drafted
By:
Kevin “Lawnmower Man” Kotenko
2000
year
Highlights:
Quotable Quote:"I'm very disappointed in the young
American golfer nowadays...We had to travel 14 hours on a plane with 5
children and no disposable diapers. Now they're playing for $2 million
and they say, "Oh, I'm having lunch with my granny," or
something." Gary Player, criticizing some golfers for
refusing to travel to events outside the United States.
The Long
Game:
All drives will sail straight and true to the middle of the fairway,
turning 90 degrees to avoid a trap or hazard if need be.
The Short
Game:
All balls within 42” of the cup will be properly struck with the
correct force which will propel them into the bottom of said cup as
only a proper English gentleman can do. Of course, there are never any
balls placed on the green outside of 42”.
What about
the enemies?
I have no bloody enemies. Well, alright, I have one. That Mel Gibson
chap didn’t need to force us to relive past attritions in his latest
movie “The Patriot”. You fellows should just be happy we
‘gave’ you this small plot of land, you heathens.
2001
Projection:
After using the past year to adjust to the American lifestyle (driving
on the right side, fast women, etc.) and having whipped my American
teammates into decent shape, winning the cup is but a formality.
Cheers!
SOURCE: Yoot Shoot
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