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New's and View's Page

2003 Yoot Post

The following silly ass Yoot Posts are copy's of the actual Posts which are sent to all Yoots during the four months preceding the glorious event.

2003 Issue 1     2003 Issue 2
 2003 Issue 3    2003 Issue 4
2003 Issue 5

These are all in Adobe format.
If you need the Adobe reader click the link below.




2003 News

Yoot CEO Takes The 2003 WWOG CUP!

Among hoards of fans at High Pointe Golf Course in Traverse City Michigan, Paul "Mr. Lucky" Gomez battled to his 2nd consecutive WWOG Cup.  Playing three days in spectacular weather brought the right conditions to his golf game.  The first round on the prestigious Lochenheath Golf Course set the pace for the rest of the weekend.  In bright sunshine and shooting an astounding 38 on the front nine then finishing with a 42 on the tough back nine put him the top of the leaderboard for the rest of the weekend.  He never looked back shooting 83 at Charlevoix Country Club, and finishing with an 87 at High Pointe Golf Course.
"My sites are set on the 2003 Yoot Shoot to bring the Yoot Cup home where it belongs and finish out the 2003 Grand Slam" said Mr. Lucky after the strong showing.  "Holes-N-Poles has set our goal on sipping the "nectar of the Gods" from the legendary chalice.  We will Prevail"
Expect a strong showing from "Holes-N-Poles" this year as Mr. Lucky goes for the Grand Slam.

Another Win For Holes-N-Poles Team Members!

P&K 2nd Place.JPG (154849 bytes)

On July 29th at the spectacular Wild Wing Woodstork Course in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, members of the Holes-N-Poles Yootshoot team scored another top finish!  Playing in the Myrtle Beach Family Golf Scramble, Paul "Mr. Lucky" Gomez and wife Kim "Taylormade" Gomez took 2nd place in the Couples Division.  The couple finished with a handicapped score of 71 (Actual score of 74) in this two man scramble format, losing out to first place by two strokes.  Topping out the round was a natural Eagle by Mr. Lucky on a back nine par five, hitting the ball 18 inches from the cup from 237 yards!  Holes-N-Poles is Hot, Hot, Hot coming into the Yoot!

It’s Crystal Clear

By Iva E. Gall
Thompsonville, Michigan

             It’s Labor Day weekend. The Northern Michigan nights are just beginning to turn crisp, as the voices and sounds of summer are beginning to fade away. Just a few of the Sugar Maple trees are beginning their annual foliage display of spectacular color that makes this area so popular for tourists in the fall. As a leaf flutters slowly down in the clear blue, sun filled sky and lands in the pool next to me, I can’t help but to think of a month from now when this small quaint town will be the center of worldwide attention as the Great Northern Michigan Yoot Shoot rolls into town. On the eve of my departure from the Crystal Mountain Resort & my suite in the Kinlochen Lodge, I have nothing but confidence that this is going to be the best GNYS ever. The host resort, the town, and the local police force could not be more ready, as years of experience of dealing with an event this large has finally paid off. Every detail, even up to where to store the 4.5 million empty barrels of beer, and the � million dead carcasses of the Black Angus that will be turned into beef jerky are already taken care of. It is a preparedness level that even the U.S. military would be proud of. My gracious host and I this week, Jes Kantwaytoski (nicknamed the Crystal Pistol) toured all Yoot Shoot facilities and both the Betsie and Mountain courses. All were first class and in prime shape. Even my host was in “prime shape” that at one point in my visit showed me stars I didn’t know existed in our universe. (And you thought Mars looked big…wait til you see this specimen girls…Woooo-boy!)

            I also met with the general manager of the bar/restaurant, Sir Vah Tiltheydrop and verified the YSAPP (Yoot Shoot Alcohol Preparation Plan) and that the establishment is set to handle the requested beverage order that each team fills out & is packed in each cart for each Yoot Shoot tournament player. The YSAPP and the requested order can take days to fill since each team requests over 100 cases of beer, 25 bottles of alcohol, 16 box’s of cigars, 8 cases of mixers, 10 lbs of fresh limes/lemons, 50 pounds of beef jerky, and 50 bags of ice.

            I then ventured to the banquet hall and met chefs Phil A. Minyon and Sue Flay to go over the dinner menu and plans for the after tournament banquet. Since this is a first for the GNYS, it is of utmost importance that this go off without a hitch & to make sure all Yoots are well taken care of. I also wanted to be sure to get an area set aside that will be needed for the tens-of-thousands of fans and autograph seekers that will converge on this facility right after the tournament to get glimpses and autographs of their favorite Yoot Shoot players.

            And finally I met with the head golf pro, Hugh Jateezchot and his staff to go over conditioning, turf heights and pin locations for the tournament. As I toured the course with Mr. Jateezchot and his head groundskeeper, Moe Whitlow it is “Crystal Clear” that the course will be in excellent shape and all of the facilities will be ready to go when the Great Northern Yoot Shoot rolls into town.


Yoots go Hollywood!

By Iva E. Gall

bassiePAD.jpg (82973 bytes)

The Great Northern Yoot Shoot 3 time champion “Drunk Drivers” went Hollywood this past summer as they were cast in a remake of the hit movie “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”. The new movie, which portrays Scott “Bass” Bentoske in the lead role of “Spicolli”, will hit the theatres in the fall. The opening will no doubt draw huge crowds as it opens at the same time as the start of the 2003 GNYS which will be played at Crystal Mountain Resort in Thompsonville, Michigan.


Yoots Descend on Crystal Resort

By Iva E. Gall

Thompsonville, MI

I awoke this morning in my plush Suite in the Kinlochen Lodge at Crystal Mountain Resort to the view out of my window of snow flying through the air. “Ahhhh…it must by time for the Yoot Shoot” I thought.  I mean, when else can the weather turn from 80-degree summer weather to 38-degree winter weather overnight? Only the Yoot Gods can pull off such a feat year after year. After all, it is the weather that makes the Yoot Shoot such a special tournament. Only true golfers can withstand the severe punishment of the extreme cold, hail, sleet, snow, & rain to emerge victorious in the end. Fair weather golfers…don’t have a chance. Their “manhood” turtles up as soon as they walk from their lodges in the morning. So, I put on my wooly thong, and my wooly brassiere over my golf attire and went out to the pristine, quiet edge of the woods on the 1st tee and wrote this tribute to the Yoot Shoot as the sun arose through the pine forest.

Twas The Night Before The Yoot

By Iva E. Gall


Twas the night before the Yoot Shoot and all through woods,
the northern air was turning colder, which is always understood.
The golf clubs were hung in the condos with care,
in hopes that greener fairways would soon be there.

The Yoots were all nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of “Lord Yoots Cup” danced in their heads.
Stumbling drunk and hung-over and really quite a mess,
I busted into my room and flopped on the bed for a rest.

When out on the tee box I heard such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I wobbled and stumbled in a flash,
tore open the window and threw up with a huge splash.

The full moon on the breast of the new fallen frost
gave a luster to the chunks that I had just tossed.
When, what to my wandering eyes should appear,
a ghostly apparition of a man carrying a 12-pack of beer.

With a golf bag on his back, wearing golf shoes not boots,
I knew in a moment it must be Lord Yoot.
More rapid than eagles, his followers they came,
He took a sip of his beer and called them by name.

“Now Bassie! Now Mr. Lucky!
Now Titanium and Tazbob!
On Louie! On Halfshank!
On, Cletus and Corncob!
From the undulations in the green!
To the dimples in the ball!
Now drink away! Drink away!
Drink away all!

As dry as the leaves before the wild shots fly,
they meet with an obstacle, then pray to the sky.
So up to the rooftop to view the course they flew,
with jerky, and beer and Bloody Mary’s Too!

The stars they twinkled, with the Yoots upon the roof,
the course was a tough one, only a glimpse needed to get proof.
As I looked out to the darkness and was turning my head,
out on the roof came Lord Yoot, “I thought he was dead!”

He was dressed in golf attire, from his head to his toe,
and his clothes were from another era, like Larry, Curly and Moe.
An old leather golf bag was flung on his back,
and he looked a 1st time duffer, stoned on Monkey Paw and Crack.

His eyes how they twinkled, only thoughts of golf, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, which made him look like a fairy.
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
To hold his cigar when he putts for dough.

The stump of his cigar he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head just like a wreath.
He had a tanned leathery face, and his physique was like jelly,
narrow shoulders, strong arms, and a beer-pot-belly.

He carried himself with the stature of a Pharaoh or a King,
on this rooftop this night, I swear I heard the angels sing.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know, we Yoots had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, and went straight to work,
Blessing all the Yoots, the Moonpies, even the jerks.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up into the sky he rose.

He sprang into his golf cart, and to his teammates he gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a weapon of mass destruction missile.
But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,

“Good Luck to all, and to all a good night”!


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