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New's and View's Page

2004 Yoot Post

The following silly ass Yoot Posts are copy's of the actual Posts which are sent to all Yoots during the months preceding the glorious event.

2004 Issue 1

2004 Issue 2

2004 Issue 3

2004 Issue 4

2004 Issue 5

These are all in Adobe format.
If you need the Adobe reader click the link below.




2004 News

First In Line


The Annual "Race to Pay" was won by none other than the Drunk Drivers, Bill Fenwick.  FULL Payment for the October event was received via Paypal at 4:34pm EST making Bill the first in 2004 to stake his wages on bringing the cup back.  A comment attached to the payment stated that the Drunk Drivers are BACK to stake their claim to the cup this year.


Spring Has Sprung The Yoots

By Iva E. Gall

Old Mother Nature, the gal with all tricks up her sleeve, has finally unlocked the door and allowed a ray of hope and sunshine to cast down upon the depressed, long faces of the poor pitiful Yoots that live in this region year long. With predicted temperatures in the low to mid 70’s this weekend and an abundance of sunshine forecasted, it is sure to bring the Yoots out of their winter hibernation and to start preparation for the hard climb toward their quest for holding Lord Yoot’s Cup in their hands. We have not seen weather like this since the weekend before the 2003 Great Northern Yoot Shoot and the weekend after, and it is sure to bring the Yoots out to the local area golf courses in droves. 
I called my old friend, 3-time GNYS Champion and Scott “Bass” Bentoske to find out his plans and tournament schedule for the year leading up to the GNYS since it has been rumored that he has cancelled all golfing and extra-curricular activities for the year, citing lack of funds and a swelling debt created by his social and extravagant lifestyle. I apparently awoke him from a deep sleep at his home on this Friday morning after I was told by his employer, where we were supposed to conduct an interview,  that he hadn’t shown up for work because his tire was low on air.

: “Bass, is that you?....its Iva, Iva E. Gall. Remember we had an interview this morning”? 
: “Oh duuuuuuude, where….where….am i……oh  dude…I missed work again. Oh…man”  
: “Sorry to wake you Mr. Bass but could you answer some questions?” 
: “Uh….uhhh…sure…uhhh….”
: “Well is it true Mr. Bass that you have canceled all golfing activities for the year, even the prestigious WWOG, for financial reasons?” 
: “Well… uhhhh …yeah…I guess….I…I just can’t seem to pull out of my finachoe tayo-spin.” 
: “Well Mr. Bass, work equals money and….and….
: “Uhhh…did you ever see the movie, “Titanic”…uhhh…I have it on DVD. Rock the house dude.” 
: “Titanic?…DVD?……Mr. Bass……You should go to work and…….”
: “Oh man dude….I’m really tired…You couldn’t pop for an Ice Cap at Dunkin Donuts could you, I’m really thirsty too?”
: “Mr. Bass….you really should pull yourself together and go to work and earn some money and……
: “ohh…dude….i am really, realllllllyyyyyyy tiiiiiiiiieerrrd…….zzzzzzzzzzzz……zzzzzzzzzzz….zzzzzzzz
: “Mr. Bass……….……Mr. Bass……………………Bassie………………….Bass???????

Just then, I got another call and I was happy to see it was from Yoot CEO Paul “Mr. Lucky” Gomez. 

: “Well good morning Mr. Lucky, it’s a great day isn’t it?”
Mr. Lucky
: “Great Schmate! That F__in Bass has got our server all screwed up here at work with his shoddy “Basswear software” and then….then…. he doesn’t show up here at work again! I was supposed to go golfing to start practicing for the quest for the cup and now I’m stuck here trying clean up his F__in mess!”
: “Wow….sorry Mr. Lucky, I know how important that cup is to “Holes & Poles” and it is most certainly a beautiful day out there to be golfing it is, it is.”
Mr. Lucky
: “That F___in Bass….he was probably up late watching that lovey - F___in - dovey “Titanic” movie again. Now, every Yoot will be out today getting their practice in and enjoying this beautiful weather while I’m stuck here trying to make his shoddy Basswear work. I’ll “Titanic” him……..I’ll sink his team start time right to the bottom of the list.”
: Uhh…Mr Lucky, I have never heard you so angry. Maybe you should go to his house and……

: “Mr. Lucky……Mr. Lucky………are you there…..are you there….”

Well, as Scott ” Bass “ Bentoske slept with the dreamy visions of himself on the front of the ship, cool wind blowing through his hair, gently holding Kate Winslet’s arms outstretched, saying “I’m flying…I’m flying” and Paul “Mr. Lucky” Gomez fuming in anger over his missing the chance for important practice in his quest for the cup, I was quite content sitting in the warm sunshine, with the sounds of the birds chirping, the smell of fresh cut grass, knowing that the new golf season has begun.



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