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Spring
Has Sprung The Yoots
By
Iva E. Gall
4/16/04
Old
Mother Nature, the gal with all tricks up her
sleeve, has finally unlocked the door and allowed
a ray of hope and sunshine to cast down upon the
depressed, long faces of the poor pitiful Yoots
that live in this region year long. With predicted
temperatures in the low to mid 70’s this weekend
and an abundance of sunshine forecasted, it is
sure to bring the Yoots out of their winter
hibernation and to start preparation for the hard
climb toward their quest for holding Lord Yoot’s
Cup in their hands. We have not seen weather like
this since the weekend before the 2003 Great
Northern Yoot Shoot and the weekend after, and it
is sure to bring the Yoots out to the local area
golf courses in droves.
I called my old friend, 3-time GNYS Champion and
Scott “Bass” Bentoske to find out his plans
and tournament schedule for the year leading up to
the GNYS since it has been rumored that he has
cancelled all golfing and extra-curricular
activities for the year, citing lack of funds and
a swelling debt created by his social and
extravagant lifestyle. I apparently awoke him from
a deep sleep at his home on this Friday morning
after I was told by his employer, where we were
supposed to conduct an interview, that he
hadn’t shown up for work because his tire was
low on air.
Iva:
“Bass, is that you?....its Iva, Iva E. Gall.
Remember we had an interview this
morning”?
Bass:
“Oh duuuuuuude, where….where….am i……oh
dude…I missed work again. Oh…man”
Iva:
“Sorry to wake you Mr. Bass but could you answer
some questions?”
Bass:
“Uh….uhhh…sure…uhhh….”
Iva:
“Well is it true Mr. Bass that you have canceled
all golfing activities for the year, even the
prestigious WWOG, for financial reasons?”
Bass:
“Well… uhhhh …yeah…I guess….I…I just
can’t seem to pull out of my finachoe tayo-spin.”
Iva:
“Well Mr. Bass, work equals money and….and….
Bass:
“Uhhh…did you ever see the movie,
“Titanic”…uhhh…I have it on DVD. Rock the
house dude.”
Iva:
“Titanic?…DVD?……Mr. Bass……You should
go to work and…….”
Bass:
“Oh man dude….I’m really tired…You
couldn’t pop for an Ice Cap at Dunkin Donuts
could you, I’m really thirsty too?”
Iva:
“Mr. Bass….you really should pull yourself
together and go to work and earn some money
and……
Bass:
“ohh…dude….i am really, realllllllyyyyyyy
tiiiiiiiiieerrrd…….zzzzzzzzzzzz……zzzzzzzzzzz….zzzzzzzz
Iva:
“Mr. Bass……….……Mr.
Bass……………………Bassie………………….Bass???????
Just then, I got another call and I was happy to
see it was from Yoot CEO Paul “Mr. Lucky”
Gomez.
Iva:
“Well good morning Mr. Lucky, it’s a great day
isn’t it?”
Mr. Lucky:
“Great Schmate! That F__in Bass has got our
server all screwed up here at work with his shoddy
“Basswear software” and then….then…. he
doesn’t show up here at work again! I was
supposed to go golfing to start practicing for the
quest for the cup and now I’m stuck here trying
clean up his F__in mess!”
Iva:
“Wow….sorry Mr. Lucky, I know how important
that cup is to “Holes & Poles” and it is
most certainly a beautiful day out there to be
golfing it is, it is.”
Mr. Lucky:
“That F___in Bass….he was probably up late
watching that lovey - F___in - dovey “Titanic”
movie again. Now, every Yoot will be out today
getting their practice in and enjoying this
beautiful weather while I’m stuck here trying to
make his shoddy Basswear work. I’ll
“Titanic” him……..I’ll sink his team
start time right to the bottom of the list.”
Iva:
Uhh…Mr Lucky, I have never heard you so angry.
Maybe you should go to his house and……
Click!
Iva:
“Mr. Lucky……Mr. Lucky………are you
there…..are you there….”
Well, as Scott ” Bass “ Bentoske slept with
the dreamy visions of himself on the front of the
ship, cool wind blowing through his hair, gently
holding Kate Winslet’s arms outstretched, saying
“I’m flying…I’m flying” and Paul “Mr.
Lucky” Gomez fuming in anger over his missing
the chance for important practice in his quest for
the cup, I was quite content sitting in the warm
sunshine, with the sounds of the birds chirping,
the smell of fresh cut grass, knowing that the new
golf season has begun.
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