Profile & Scouting Report
Profile
Height: 5-7
Weight: 165 lbs.
(packing 2 (throw down) golf balls, Yoot Koozie, 6 pack Coors Light,
and
emergency poison ivy kit)
Born: on date
Drafted: N/A. Yoot Forefather,
Yoot CEO, Chairman of Yoot Site Selection Committee, Director of Yoot
Goodie Procurement, Director of Yootshoot Rules Implementation
Team, Editor-in-Chief of the Yoot Post, Board of Directors on the
Yootshoot Website Committee, Co-Chairman of Holes n' Poles selection
committee,
Scouting Report
2000 Season
His game peaks when we get the fabulous weather we had in
2000! Packed into his cart with on- board heaters, this team
suffered no ill effects of the weather, in fact they were toasty
WARM! As in-car heaters become a staple of all yoots this
year, this team is sure to bring out another secret
weapon. They have the highest per capita investment for R
& D than any other team in the tournament, which is sure to
translate to stroke reduction. Rumors are flying around the
Yoot community that a group of 4 or 5 distinguished
European elderly gentleman with white lab coats and round Benjamin Franklin
glasses have been spotted leaving the Headquarters of the
Holes-N-Poles Research & Development
facility in Augusta, Georgia leaving the rest of the Yoot community
nervous over what to expect.
The Long Game
It is said that 2001 R&D dollars have been secretly
channeled through Swiss bank accounts to an unknown intermediate
who is funding development of a
classified alloy from nuclear waste which possess (1) extra proton
and is capable of being implanted to the face of a driver's
"sweet spot". This would allow the user of the driver
to hit the ball farther than previous thought by "ordinary"
Titanium or Super Steel types. It is said in the Physics circles
that this new technology will perform these feats without the golfer
actually swinging the club all while allowing the golfer to enjoy the
finer things in life....cigars, cold beer, beef jerky and staying warm
in the cart. This is only speculation of course & we can
neither confirm, nor deny the existence
of such.
The Short Game
While feverously foraging in a forest
for an actual briar patch, he came across a "lucky staff".
The staff it seems came from a gentleman by the name of
"Moses" whom had carved his initials
in the handle. Gomez whittled the
staff to fit his sand wedge and has performed "miracles"
with it. For some unknown reason, every time the wedge is raise
around a water hole, the water parts & his ball can be played as
if the water didn't exist.
What about the
"Enemies" ?
The only enemies I have are those piles of smelly brown, round
balls stacked up neatly and placed randomly in the fairways & on
smeared on assorted condo decks and paraphernalia.
2001 Projection
Hahahahaha..... what is this a joke? We are bringing our
own Magnum of Champaign to fill the cup with. Fill it
up....Bitch! NOW!
SOURCE: Yoot Shoot Questionnaire |
