Profile & Scouting Report
Profile
Height: 5' 10"
Weight: 161lbs.
Born: A madmanScouting Report
Drafted By:
N/A One of the original creators of the Drunk Drivers.
2000/2001 year Highlights:
"Winning the Yoot CUP in 2000 and the WWoG Cup in 2001! I'm
the 1st person in history to be a two major cup titles at once holder
boy. Other highlights include the couple of holes where it
stopped raining/sleeting/snowing long enough to remove my rain hood
and enjoy the tournament for a few minutes."
The Long Game:
Bass's Big Begonia (Bertha) Driver has been
'benched' for the season or until he can get his ass to the driving
range in a futile attempt at planting the 'fairway homing seeds' back
into his driver. Until this happens expect to see him with his
super-duper-extra-trusty-XPC-3-wood planting drives right down the gut
of the tightest fairways............of course, this doesn't matter
anyways as it's another hit with his 3 wood before he can get up to Dalmer
& Hannibal's drives!!
The Short Game:
Bass has come on strong in this department with
his "Magical 7 iron". Rumors run amok of secret training
he has received from Mr. Lucky, a member of
the former YootShoot Dynasty team Holes n' Poles. To keep the
magic alive it's also been noted he must stay under that 5 beer buzz
mark though. Coupled alongside the "Magical 7" is the
"Gimmick Putter" which has come into it's own late last season
and early this season. Reporters with super tele-photo lenses
captured Bass sinking some early season long putts on a sloped green
that would make the leaning tower of Pisa appear straight. In a
reprint of last year's article in Northern Golfer Magazine
he said this: "Oh dude it's true, It really, really does work. I can even
close my eyes as I strike the ball and even if you miss-hit it, it will
go towards the hole. Its awesome dude. Rock the house."
What about the enemies?
Besides his horrendous bar-tab and ever rising cost of drinks, Bass
still believes the only enemy for his team is the heat of the sun and how fast it melts
the ice which maintains the temperature of the Drunk Driver's lifeblood, BEER. Also
mentioned that the Yoot Shoot should avoid courses not allowing coolers onto the course.
2001 Projection:
Continued domination in the Yoot Shoot circuit by the Drunk
Drivers. "Like the Red Wings Yo' we're going back to
back". He has learned to
crack the top off of any twist less bottle with it in less than 2
seconds. Or he can beat the box off a box-o-wine without harming
the precious contents. For a stroke of luck before the big weekend,
the GLiB & him are planning to get drunk, pull each others clothes
off, and pierce themselves silly around the head, neck and chest
area's.
SOURCE: Yoot Shoot Questionnaire |
